Summer Solstice

I haven’t blogged for a while. Well, not as much as I would have wanted to. I guess I’m just scared to get in touch with my inner self—as usual. I don’t like to be depressed all over again. That sucks, you know. Those moments you catch yourself staring in thin air, wondering why things had to happen the way they do. I’m sure there’s a reason. Although that certainty alone does not help in filling up all the emptiness I feel.

But someone is. Filling in all the blank spaces in my life. Stuffing me up. Completing me. For now at least. I don’t know. I don’t understand how or why. We just met, you know. Last June 6. It’s weird actually how my worst day for a time ends up to be one of the most memorable days I’ll have in my life. Is fate playing a trick on me again? That, I have yet to discover.

Anyway, what’s more weird is the fact that we seem to know each other more than time allows us to do so. Believe it or not, we haven’t even seen each other personally. He’s in Manila. I’m in Shanghai. I’m still not even sure if we’d click when we finally meet.

If I were to listen to my mind, I’d say this is impossible and stupid. But it’ll be because of fear and uncertainty. Yet, what the mind can’t grasp, the heart understands. I dunno. I’m certain nobody would understand how I feel right now. People around me, especially those who cares, would just tell me I’m jumping in a river full of God-forbids-what again. Actually, they’d kill me if they knew. I wanna kill myself, too. Just not now. Because I’m happy.

Yes, I am happy. Scared, but happy. Unsure, but happy. Foolish, but happy. I have no idea how long this will last, but it doesn’t matter now. I’ll just cherish these few moments of bliss. I think after everything I went through, I deserve that, too.

It’s getting warmer in Shanghai each passing day. And for the record, my heart is too. I’m really glad I found a new friend. =)